Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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