Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
