Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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