he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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