Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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