In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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