I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
