Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
