ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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