I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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