you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
