nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
