I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
