I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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