I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
