And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
