Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
