I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
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Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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