I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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