im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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