speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
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