you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
