Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
