good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
