Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
