im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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