I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
