Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
