Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
