she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
