I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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