The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
