it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
