I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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