Kiss
Puke
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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