i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
