I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
