Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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