whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
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Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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