She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
