i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
