so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
