Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
