you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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