It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
