just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
