mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
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I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
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Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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