absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
