I just pynch a tree in the face
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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