i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
