apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
