Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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