Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
