Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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