Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
