I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
