I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
