Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
