apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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