Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
