the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
