How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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