Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize