I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?