he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.