I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
