Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
