I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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