It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
