if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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