umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize