They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
