i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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